More than a third of women going through perimenopause or menopause experience sexual challenges.
You might find yourself feeling mentally interested in sex, yet your body doesn’t seem to follow. Or maybe you’d rather be watching TV than having sex. For some women, desire feels like a distant memory altogether. But these experiences don’t mean your libido has gone forever.
In this blog, we’ll take a look at how you can get your sex drive back.
Why Has My Sex Drive Gone After Menopause?
When estrogen levels decline during menopause, women start experiencing various physical changes. Take the vulval vestibule as an example. It’s where a penis, a vibrator, or a tampon first enters into the vagina.
When the vestibule is healthy, elastic, and well-lubricated, sexual activities are more likely to be enjoyable. However, hormonal changes can cause this area to become dry and sensitive, leading to discomfort or pain during intercourse. It’s like meeting someone new; that first impression sets the tone of your relationship. If the vestibule is in distress, it can overshadow any positive sensations that follow.
But it’s not just biology at play. Culture, societal expectations, and Viagra-like medications also affect sexual desire between partners in midlife. I call this the “bedroom gap,” where men and women have different sexual expectations and capabilities in midlife. The emotional weight of this gap, along with the physical changes that come with menopause, can affect your sex drive.
4 Ways To Increase Libido During Menopause
Since low libido during menopause isn’t just about physical changes, it’s also mental and emotional, finding ways to reignite desire can mean exploring a mix of approaches.
#1: Use a Vibrator
I get it: Sex toys can feel intimidating if you’re new to them. That’s why I keep a glass case filled with different toys in my exam room. Women can see them, touch them, and realize that they’re just tools for pleasure.
Not all vibrators are shaped like a penis, and brands like LELO make beautiful, high-quality options designed with women’s comfort in mind.
If you’re feeling hesitant, begin with what I call G-rated masturbation. Don’t go straight for your genitals. Instead, use the vibrator on your inner arms, thighs, or even the sides of your breasts. Focus on simply feeling good rather than chasing an orgasm.
Once you’re comfortable, you can explore other areas and build from there. The goal is to reconnect with pleasure, one step at a time.
#2: Feed Your Brain With Erotic Audio
Desire doesn’t just live in your body—it starts in your brain. By giving your mind some sensual fuel, you can gently nudge your libido awake.
Erotic audio apps like Quinn offer tasteful, female-focused content that engages your imagination without the discomfort that often comes with traditional porn. Listening to these stories can plant seeds of desire that bloom when you’re next close to your partner.
Think of it as building a “savings account” for your sex drive. When you let your mind wander to those intimate scenes—be it a steamy office romance or a passionate encounter in Paris—you store away mental cues that can help you feel more receptive to touch and connection later on.
#3: Give Sex Therapy a Chance
When I mention sex therapy to patients, they often cringe and say, “Oh no, I don’t need that.” But hear me out: sex therapy is about creating a safe space to explore what’s holding you back, whether that’s past trauma, body image struggles, or communication issues with your partner. The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) is a great resource for finding certified therapists who specialize in these conversations.
#4: Explore Medical Solutions
From vaginal estrogen and Ospemifene to CO2 laser therapy, there are various treatments that are designed to help you keep your vaginal tissue healthy and support your body’s natural functions.
Book a free 15-minute call with me, and I’d be happy to guide you through how you can increase your sex drive and transform the years ahead.
