As a part of my podcast tour for The Bedroom Gap, I had the pleasure of sitting with Jessa Zimmerman, a certified sex therapist and the host of Better Sex.
During this insightful interview, I unraveled the myths, mismatched expectations, and deep-seated shame that surround women’s sexuality, especially during and after menopause.
This is a conversation on sexual health that every woman and man must hear. Here are the highlights that stood out.
Why Can We Talk About Kids, Money, Even Death, but Not Sex?
I was seeing couples who had been together for decades, able to navigate home loans, in-laws, and college applications. But when it came to their sex lives, they were completely disconnected.
Talking about sex feels challenging because it’s surrounded by cultural shame and personal vulnerability, which can make people feel judged, embarrassed, or even broken.
And that silence doesn’t stop at home. It extends into the doctor’s office, where conversations about sexual health must be happening.
Even my own patients were coming in for menopause-related issues such as hot flashes, poor sleep, cognitive and mood issues, and leaving out the part that having sex has become painful.
When I started asking, I realized that 50 to 75% of these women were struggling with sexual problems, but they had no idea who to talk to or how to bring it up. Some didn’t even know solutions existed.
Unpacking the Doubt: Why You Feel Something’s Wrong
To understand the root causes of the Bedroom Gap, I began looking at the messages we’re all fed about sex, especially in heterosexual relationships. From a young age, many of us internalize a very narrow definition of what sex should look like, often shaped by pop culture or porn, where pleasure is immediate, loud, and predictable.
If you’re a man raised on a video diet of male-pleasure-centric porn, you might assume female orgasm occurs three seconds into penetration, every time. If you’re a woman and that’s not your experience, you might start wondering what’s wrong with you.
What you’re feeling is the result of years of cultural messaging, unrealistic expectations, and the natural changes that come with age. And the good news? None of this is permanent or fixed.
With the right information, open and honest conversations, and proactive vaginal care in midlife, you can have comfortable and enjoyable sex. Sexual pleasure is your right, and The Bedroom Gap, which comes out February 10, is your guidebook extraordinaire!
🎙️Listen to the full interview on Better Sex to learn more about how the bedroom gap is shaping your sexual experience.
Responsive Desire vs. Spontaneous
Here’s something that often gets overlooked: Men and women experience desire in completely different ways.
For example, men often feel desire spontaneously. For most women, it tends to be responsive. This means it needs a spark, a moment of connection, a gentle touch, and feeling emotionally close.
That’s why I often recommend something simple: weekly cuddle dates. Turn off your phones, carve out time just for the two of you, and sit together with no pressure to have sex. This allows you to reconnect with each other.
Want an extra nudge? Try listening to something sensual. Apps like Quinn or even a good piece of erotic fiction can be surprisingly effective.
📅 Book a free 15-minute call with me, and I’d be happy to help you overcome sexual roadblocks and manage your health at any age.
Disclaimer: This information is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice. Always consult your doctor before making any health decisions.